I just finished running 21 kilometres with a friend today, and it was a really emotional experience.

When we crossed the finish line, she started crying because she genuinely never thought she'd be able to do something like this.

When I first became friends with her, she was in the throes of postpartum depression. She hated her body, had very little confidence, struggled with boundaries and was constantly questioning herself as a mother.

I wanted to show her how exercise and moving her body could help her feel stronger and start rebuilding her confidence.

But I also knew that if I wanted her to believe in herself again, we needed to start small. Really small.

So we started with a one-kilometre walk.

Around the same time, I started a little running group with other women who wanted to improve their health. We all began with one kilometre, encouraging each other along the way. It wasn't intimidating, and everyone felt like they could do it.

And that's when something lovely started happening. As the women got stronger physically, their confidence started growing too. They were making small promises to themselves and actually keeping them.

And slowly, they started trusting themselves again.

Which brings me to the first thing I want to share with you about building confidence.

1. Make tiny promises to yourself, and keep them.

I think one of the biggest mistakes we make is setting these enormous goals for ourselves and then feeling terrible when we don't achieve them.

We decide we're going to exercise five times a week, completely change our diet or finally get that dream job. And when we inevitably fall short, we beat ourselves up and tell ourselves we're not disciplined enough.

But what if, instead of making these big promises, we made ridiculously small ones?

For example, if you're thinking about changing careers, your first step could simply be spending five minutes on LinkedIn looking at the profiles of people who have the job you want. What experience do they have? What does their CV look like?

Or if you want to start eating healthier, maybe your first step is just finding a few Instagram accounts that share delicious, healthy recipes.

That's it. You've kept your promise.

It might seem insignificant, but every time you do what you said you were going to do, you start building trust in yourself. And the more you trust yourself, the more confident you become.

It's like building a muscle. You don't start by lifting the heaviest weight in the gym. You start with something manageable and slowly build up.

Here is another useful confidence building tip which is a bit random .....

2. Confidence is a bit like making lasagna.

Okay, let me explain this one because I think it's quite funny.

I used to find making lasagna incredibly complicated. All those layers, the different sauces, getting the pasta right. It just seemed like such a complex dish.

The first time I made it, I followed the recipe religiously. It took absolutely ages, and when I finally tasted it, it tasted like snot. Probably looked like snot too. 😂

I was so disappointed because I really wanted to be someone who could cook delicious food.

But I decided I wasn't going to give up. Instead, I made a commitment to myself that I would make lasagna every single week for three months.

I immediately became the most popular housemate, by the way.

And you know what happened? By about the tenth time, making lasagna had become second nature. I didn't have to keep checking the recipe, I knew how much sauce to use, and I could pretty much throw it together without thinking too much.

I'd got my reps in.

And that's the second thing I want you to remember about confidence. Sometimes you just need to get your reps in.

When you're doing something new, the first few times are probably going to feel uncomfortable. You might feel embarrassed, awkward, frustrated or like you have absolutely no idea what you're doing.

That's normal! You're learning something new.

So whenever I find myself struggling with something, I have this little rule. I tell myself that I'm going to do it ten times before I decide whether I'm good or bad at it.

Because how can I possibly expect to be good at something I've only tried once?

Think about all the things you've avoided because you didn't feel confident enough. Maybe it's speaking up at work, setting a boundary with someone, going to the gym or trying something completely new.

What if you gave yourself permission to be terrible at it the first few times? What if you stopped expecting yourself to be brilliant straight away and just focused on getting your reps in?

I think we'd all be a lot kinder to ourselves.

And coming back to my friend who just ran 21 kilometres, that's exactly what happened with her. She didn't wake up one day magically believing she could run a half marathon.

She started with a one-kilometre walk, kept showing up, and slowly built up her strength and confidence.

Watching her cry at that finish line was such a beautiful reminder of how much we're capable of when we give ourselves a chance.

So if there's one thing I want you to take away from this email, it's that you don't need to feel confident before you start. Confidence is something you build by doing.

Start small, keep your promises to yourself, and get your reps in. And please don't judge yourself by your first lasagna.

A little something to help you build your confidence 💌

If this resonated with you, I've actually put together something really special for November's Sparkles of Joy envelope, which is all about building confidence.

I'm sharing the things that have helped me feel more confident in my own body, trust myself, set better boundaries and find the courage to go after the things I really want in life.

And it's not just about feeling confident on the outside. It's about developing that inner confidence that allows you to stop second-guessing yourself and start believing that you're capable of more.

Inside November's envelope, you'll find:

• My personal letter on building self-confidence, with practical tips and strategies you can start using straight away.
• A capsule wardrobe guide and activity to help you discover your personal style and feel good in the body you have right now.
• My seven-day meal plan and grocery list, including the meals I ate while losing 4.35 kg over 3 weeks, eating more vegetables and feeling stronger.
• A book recommendation and discussion about self-worth, embracing your imperfections and letting go of perfectionism.
• A confidence-boosting podcast recommendation for those moments when you need a little encouragement.
• Cheerful affirmation stickers to remind you how capable and worthy you are.

I've designed this envelope to feel like a little care package from a friend, filled with practical tools, encouragement and reminders that you're already enough, exactly as you are.

If you'd like to join us for November, I'd absolutely love to have you.

​Get your November Sparkles of Joy envelope here,

Thanks for reading

Aisha Preece from Outandbeyond.com and Sparkles of Joy ​

PS: I share my bare minimum low-effort strategy to grow my businesses on my Instagram stories — if you want more behind-the-scenes like this, come hang out: @aishapreece​

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